he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
