I faked an abortion last night.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
