Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
