is your mom at the bar?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
