did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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