I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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