Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
