I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
