yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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