wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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