Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Everclear isn't food dammit
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
