she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
