Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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