I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
