we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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