She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
