you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
