You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
it's great music for shaving your balls
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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