Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
