girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
