Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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