Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
