do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
