just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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