everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
