Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
