Just took my morning after pill in the library
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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