if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
