Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
