Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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