Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My vagina just recognized that song.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
