You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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