smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
