u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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