New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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