So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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