I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
