Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
