some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
