I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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