I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
