at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
