I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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