just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
