You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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