you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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