By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
