Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Your penis caused this!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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