if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
