Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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