just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
