Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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