I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
