i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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